6/14/09 01:45 pm - my lovely sister - dwayneI'm guilty of posting emotional entries on my blog but i just gotta share this with all of you. I was tearing when I saw this post by my secondary school friend and I start to wonder how much I have neglected my family, my sis especially. my lovely sister - dwayne my beloved sister left us on 2nd june 2009. as much as i couldn't bear to see her go, it was good as finally her suffering would finally come to an end. i can still vividly remember how these series of events happened. towards the end of 2002, she went for checkups for swollen lymph nodes on her neck, was hospitalised and determined as some sort of lung infection, but finally was diagnosed with 3rd stage of Nasopharyngeal carcinoma, or known as nose cancer. in 2003, she went through radiotherapy and chemotherapy simultaneously, which not many cancer patient would be able to endure, showing us her strength and determination to hold on, at the tender age of 18. at the age of 18, where girls would blossom and enjoy their life, fall in love, shop, make up and be beautiful, my sister was there, for 3 months, going through treatment, and post-treatment vomitting, fatigue and ending up weighing less than 40kg. it pains us, or me, to see her that way, and because of her, our family bonded, we got stronger, and we learnt to appreciate each other existence better. but as time went, we slowly drifted again, as her condition got better. good times dont last, and it was until 2005, when doctors realised that the cancerous cells had spread to near her lungs region, she went through a major operation, and when she came out of the operating theatre, doctors told us that the very night was the crucial night of her survival. we prayed, and held strong, as chances were really slim. again, she showed us her strenght, her will and her determination. she woke up, unable to speak, because her voice box was damaged during the operation. we gave her a white board to write, and the very first thing she asked me was, "who won Project Superstar?" i laughed and cried, it was definitely a dilemma. and from then on, her speech had always been a problem and her eating habits had to change. our family held on, and changed with her, and my mum, being the one who suffered the most, because she always had problem thinking of what to cook for her. despite everything, she still went back to work after she recovered from the operation, and was going through chemotherapy. She wore a wig to work, and didn't bothered about how people look at her. but her health deteriorate, and we stopped her from working. tired of bouncing around at home, she started her own business, which was really successful. and it's only a year since she did her business, and doctors found growth on her spine. she wasn't keen to do chemo or radio this time round, in the fear that she'll not be able to walk. She held on with pain killers as she was in constant pain. Our family was badly affected by her mood, as she was always frustrated and impatient. No one could really feel how she felt. i remember one night, i told her, "have faith and strength" and she replied,"i would have left that time during operation if i didnt have them" my mum suffered so much, and i feel guilty about being out and stuff for the past few months. and on that very day, 27th May, the phone rang, my bro hurrying me to get home. Endless thoughts ran through my head, i was telling myself that i wasn't ready to lose her. i got home as quickly as i could, and she was breathless. she held on to my hand dearly, and at that moment, only i could understand what she was saying. all these years, i got used to her slurred speech and can easily decipher what she wanted. and she was warded, with no idea that, the celebration that day for my mum was the last time we sat down together as a family. days passed and her condition worsen. doctors asked us to prepare for the worst, and the morphine jabs came in, i knew that it was time. the last hug i got from her was when i was trying to shift her from her bed as she was feeling uncomfortable. and we didn't get to talk, as she was kinda in a lost mood. everyone asked her to let go, and not to worry so much about us. i promised her so many things, and i will fulfill them all. she left, after using her last strength to open up her eyes, to take a look at us, especially her dearest friends. my sister truely showed me, what strength is, how determination can bring you far, how nothing can stop you from doing what you want, and how important family ties are. and probably last but not least, cherish, every moment, as time waits for no one, dont complain about life when you are now healthy and kicking, enjoy every moment you can with everyone, as you'll never know what's going happen the next min, respect your parents, especially your mum, as they will always give you unconditional love, and of course, love yourself, as no one can love you more. and thank you sis, for being my sis, and there's nothing more i can ask for. i miss you  united, as our father always tell us, to be as one, no matter what happen.  melancholy |
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